I don't even want to say the event.
It's like I can't let my mind go there.
The problem is that it's unavoidable.
Everyone's talking or writing about it and I turn away each time.
Because of this I have an underlying feeling of guilt.
I don't want to ignore those little lives, they deserve to be recognized.
I want to cry for them but I just can't.
This has happened before and I know it happens to others.
Many times, when something awful happens, I will try to put myself in that very situation.
I want to know that I would react in the best possible way.
That I would be able to protect my children.
It's like a mental fire drill to ease my mind.
Every time though, my mind stops me before I reach the worst case scenario.
I can only describe it as a subconscious safety mechanism.
I'm sure that's what is happening to me now.
It's just not time to shut off the safety.